10 Green Flags to Look For in Online Dating Matches

The experiences shared in this article are based on real emotional journeys, but all personal details are anonymized and used with the explicit written permission of the clients. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. We are committed to treating all client stories with the utmost confidentiality and respect.

Let’s be real: You’ve swiped past enough ‘Here for a good time’ bios to wallpaper the Vegas Strip.

But between the half-hearted ‘Hey’ messages and ghosted conversations, there are glimmers of something better—the matches who make you sit up a little straighter when their name pops up.

As a dating coach who’s guided hundreds of clients through the wilds of apps, I’ll let you in on a secret: The best connections don’t start with fireworks.

They begin with quiet green flags you’ve probably been overlooking.

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1. They Ask Follow-Up Questions (And Actually Listen)

Picture this: You mention your obsession with rewatching The Bear, and instead of defaulting to “Oh, I prefer action movies,” they ask, “What scene makes you rewatch it?” That’s the difference between small talk and real connection.

In my years of coaching, I’ve seen how intentional curiosity builds trust. Take Leah, a client who almost ghosted a guy after he mispronounced “croissant” during their coffee date. But when he later texted, “You mentioned growing up in a military family—what’s one thing you wish people understood about that life?” she gave him a second chance. They’ve been together two years now.

Why it works: Follow-up questions signal they’re investing mental energy in you. No one fakes interest in your third-grade piano recital trauma unless they’re a serial killer or really like you.

Try this: After sharing a personal detail, notice if they ask for clarification (“Wait, why did you quit ballet?”) or reflect your emotions (“That must’ve been frustrating”). If they do? Cue the confetti.

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2. Their Profile Feels Specific, Not Generic

“I love hiking, tacos, and Netflix!” is the emotional equivalent of a stock photo. Look for profiles that reveal how someone experiences the world:

• “I’ll hike 8 miles for waterfall views but draw the line at camping without Wi-Fi.”
• “My ideal Friday: Trader Joe’s frozen gyoza and arguing about the best Succession sibling.”

Behind the scenes: Specificity = self-awareness. One of my favorite matches ever wrote, “I sing Hamilton in the shower and will fight you about pineapple on pizza.” Was it a little chaotic? Absolutely. Did we bond over our mutual love of Lin-Manuel Miranda and disdain for fruit on savory food? You bet.

Pro tip: Swipe right on profiles that make you think, “Oh, this person has Opinions™ about something.” Vagueness often hides ambivalence—or worse, a copy-pasted bio they’re sending to 50 other people.

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3. They Respect Your Pace Without Playing Games

Healthy matches don’t demand daily 2-hour calls by week two or punish you for taking 12 hours to reply. They mirror your rhythm while staying engaged.

A client’s story: Maya matched with someone who suggested meeting after three days of texting. When she said she preferred waiting a week, he replied, “No rush! Let’s keep trading bad dating app stories until you’re ready.” His patience (and hilarious screenshots) made her feel safe—they’ve been exclusive for eight months.

Watch for:

• Flexibility (“Raincheck? Cool, just lmk when!”)
• Consistency (Messages don’t swing from “Good morning!” essays to radio silence)
• Zero guilt-tripping (“I guess you’re too busy for me…”)

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4. They Celebrate Your Wins—Even the Silly Ones

A green flag isn’t just how they handle your struggles, but how they react to your joys. Did they remember you were nervous about a work presentation? A simple “How’d it go??” text post-meeting speaks volumes.

My personal litmus test: Years ago, a date laughed when I teared up after finally nailing a soufflé. Last month, my partner spent 20 minutes hyping me up before a podcast interview—then celebrated with sprinkle cupcakes. Growth!

Why it matters: Research shows couples who actively celebrate each other’s victories have stronger long-term bonds. Translation: Find someone who’s your personal cheerleader, not just a crisis hotline.

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5. They’re Comfortable with Low-Stakes Vulnerability

Notice when someone shares slightly awkward truths early on:

• “I’m a chronic overthinker—fair warning!”
• “I still sleep with a childhood stuffed animal. Judge away.”

Why it’s golden: Lighthearted vulnerability builds intimacy without trauma-dumping. A client once bonded with a match over their mutual fear of escalators. Their first date? A mall food court (stairs only).

Avoid: Heavy disclosures before meeting (e.g., detailed ex drama) or performative “flaws” (“I care too much!”). Real vulnerability feels human, not curated.

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6. They Handle Conflicts Gracefully

Online dating disagreements happen: canceled plans, misread tone, that one debate about Barbie vs. Oppenheimer. Green flags emerge in how they respond:

Example: When a client gently told her match his joke about her job felt dismissive, he apologized without defensiveness: “Didn’t mean it that way, but I get why it landed poorly. Thanks for telling me.”

Key phrases:

• “Hadn’t thought of it that way—thanks for explaining.”
• “Let me rephrase that…”
• “I disagree, but I see your point.”

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7. Their Actions Align with Their Words

“I’ll call you tonight” → actually calls. “I’m terrible at texting” → still responds within 24 hours. Consistency builds trust; mixed signals breed anxiety.

A cautionary tale: I once dated someone who waxed poetic about “emotional availability” but vanished every time I mentioned future plans. Meanwhile, my friend’s now-husband casually said, “I’m not great at texting during work hours, but I’ll always reply by 8 PM.” Guess which one stuck?

Remember: Small reliability > grand gestures.

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8. They’re Kind to Strangers

Watch how they treat servers, customer support reps, or even your friend who accidentally double-texts them. My rule? If they’re rude to a barista but sweet to you, that’s not romance—it’s performance.

Client example: Rachel knew her partner was a keeper when he spent 10 minutes helping an elderly man figure out DoorDash at a coffee shop. No performative “look how nice I am” vibes—just genuine kindness.

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9. They’re Open About Their Quirks

Someone who owns their weirdness (“I alphabetize my spices”) or niche passions (“I’ve watched every Great British Bake Off episode twice”) is signaling they’re comfortable being themselves.

My take: Quirks are compatibility filters. One guy told me on date two, “I’m weirdly good at identifying bird calls.” I thought it was niche… until we went hiking and he correctly identified a red-tailed hawk. 10/10 would recommend.

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10. They Make You Feel Like the Best Version of Yourself

This isn’t about flattery—it’s about how you behave around them. Do you feel:

• Safe to disagree?
• Comfortable saying “no”?
• Proud of your interests, even if they don’t share them?

Final story: A client realized she’d found a keeper when she mentioned her niche hobby (competitive axe-throwing) and he said, “That’s badass—tell me how you got into that!” instead of teasing her.

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Final Words from The Darling Code

Green flags aren’t a checklist for perfection—they’re clues that someone’s worth exploring. Start by picking one flag to focus on this week. Maybe notice who asks, “Wait, why did you move to Chicago?” instead of just “Cool.” Or who texts, “Heard you had a big meeting—how’d it go?” when you least expect it.

You’re not just swiping; you’re practicing the radical act of choosing people who choose you back. And if you’re thinking, “But Eden, what if I miss the red flags?” Don’t worry—we’ll talk about those next time.

With heart,
The Darling Code

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P.S. Save this to your Pinterest “Dating Wins” board! Today’s challenge: Text a friend one green flag you’ve noticed in your dating life lately (yes, even that guy who remembered your coffee order). Celebration is practice.

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