21 Self Care Practices for Women Who Give Too Much

The experiences shared in this article are based on real emotional journeys, but all personal details are anonymized and used with the explicit written permission of the clients. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. We are committed to treating all client stories with the utmost confidentiality and respect.

You know that moment when you’re halfway through a text thread with a friend who’s venting about their latest crisis, your dinner’s gone cold, and you suddenly realize you haven’t taken a full breath in 20 minutes?

Or when you cancel your own therapy appointment to drive your sister’s kids to soccer practice again?

If this sounds familiar, sweet friend, let’s talk about why filling everyone else’s cup first leaves yours bone-dry—and how to change that.

As a relationship coach who’s spent years guiding women through the messy, beautiful work of building healthier connections, I’ve seen this pattern more times than I’ve burned my favorite lavender candles.

The truth is, nurturing others isn’t the problem—it’s forgetting to nurture yourself in the process.

Let’s explore 21 ways to rewrite that script.

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1. The “Pause Button” Technique

For when you reflexively say “yes” before your brain catches up

Last month, a client—let’s call her Mara—described panicking when her boss asked her to lead a last-minute project. Her mouth said “Absolutely!” while her gut screamed I’m already drowning. Sound familiar? Here’s what we practiced:

Try this:

• When requests come in, say: “Let me check my calendar and get back to you in 10 minutes.”
• Use those minutes to ask: Does this align with my priorities? What would I lose by taking this on?

Why it works: It creates space between impulse and action. You’re not being “selfish”—you’re being selective.

Warm pause: Which upcoming request could you practice this with?

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2. The 5-Minute Sanctuary

Because you deserve more than bathroom-stall deep breaths

During my first year as a coach, I’d end days feeling like a wrung-out dishcloth. Then I discovered micro-resets:

• Light a cinnamon candle (scent anchors the mind)
• Sit cross-legged on your bedspread
• Hum your go-to comfort song (mine’s “Landslide” by Fleetwood Mac)

No meditation apps required. Just 300 seconds of this is mine.

Reflect: What tiny ritual could become your sanctuary?

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3. The “No” Draft Folder

For boundary-setting without guilt

A former client—a kindergarten teacher and chronic people-pleaser—kept a notes app list of gentle rejections:

• “I wish I could, but I’m honoring my energy levels right now.”
• “Thank you for thinking of me! I’ll have to pass this time.”

She’d review it before family gatherings or PTA meetings. Scripts disarm the panic of improvising boundaries.

Try today: Draft one “no” phrase you’ll use this week.

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4. The Body Budget Check-In

(No spreadsheets required)

Your nervous system keeps receipts. Ask yourself hourly:

• Am I clenching my jaw?
• When did I last drink water?
• Do I need to shift positions/stretch/walk?

I learned this the hard way after ignoring neck pain during back-to-back Zoom sessions. Two chiropractor visits later… let’s just say my posture alerts are now set to “obsessive.”

Gentle nudge: Set a phone reminder labeled “Body Tax Audit.”

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5. The Joy Inventory

Rediscovering what lights YOU up

Grab a notebook. List:

1. Childhood activities that made time disappear (rollerblading? Library marathons?)
2. Things you’ve said “I’ll try someday” to for years (pottery classes? Birdwatching?)

One client realized she’d stopped baking since her divorce—her ex hated the mess. She now hosts monthly “ugly cookie nights” where burnt edges are celebrated.

Your turn: What’s one forgotten joy you’ll resurrect?

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6. The “Grocery Store” Boundary

Protecting your energy in public spaces

You wouldn’t let a stranger grab the last avocado from your cart, right? Apply that energy to:

• The chatty coworker trapping you at the Keurig
• The man explaining your own job to you (again)

Practice: “Excuse me, I need to get back to…” while walking away. No apologies necessary.

Note: This works equally well at Thanksgiving dinners.

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7. The Permission Slip

For doing less-than-perfectly

A client once cried in my office because she’d served store-bought pie at her daughter’s birthday. “I’m a fraud,” she said. We wrote her this mantra:
“Done is sacred. My love isn’t measured in homemade frosting.”

Your slip: “I give myself permission to…” (Example: …leave the dishes until morning.)

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8. The “Friend Date” Filter

Is this relationship nourishing or depleting?

After every hangout, rate interactions on a 1–5 scale:
1 = I feel like I just donated blood
5 = I’m glowing like I hugged a sunflower

A grad student client discovered her “3-and-below” friends were mostly venting sessions. She began suggesting walks instead of 2-hour coffee marathons.

Ask: Who leaves you at a “4” or higher?

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9. The “Small Treat” Economy

Because you’re worth more than leftovers

My grandmother taught me this: Every time you do something “adult” (paying bills, unclogging the shower drain), reward yourself with a tiny pleasure:

• A square of dark chocolate
• 10 minutes of reality TV
• Fancy hand soap refills

Pro tip: Stock up on hotel-size luxuries for instant mood boosts.

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10. The Emotional First-Aid Kit

For crisis moments

Assemble a box containing:

• A photo of your happiest self (age 7? Last vacation?)
• A playlist titled “Emergency Joy” (mine has Shakira and Spice Girls)
• A handwritten note: “You’ve survived 100% of your worst days. This too.”

A client battling panic attacks keeps hers in her glove compartment. “It’s like carrying a hug,” she says.

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11. The “Grief Jar” Practice

Honoring losses beyond romantic breakups

We mourn more than relationships: lost opportunities, changed friendships, versions of ourselves we outgrow. Keep a jar where you:

1. Write losses on slips when they surface
2. Light a candle monthly while reading them aloud

A nurse client used this to process leaving her job during burnout. “It wasn’t failure,” she realized. “It was love for myself.”

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12. The “Silent Morning” Experiment

Before the world claims your attention

For one week, try:

• No screens until you’ve sipped your coffee/tea
• Write three things you’re grateful for about yourself (Example: My patience with the barista who misspelled my name)

A busy mom client said this helped her “stop waking up already in debt to everyone else.”

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13. The “Outsourcing” Revolution

You’re not a one-woman Amazon Prime

List tasks that drain you. Now, answer:

• Which can I pay someone to do? (Dog walking? Meal kits?)
• What can I stop doing without the world ending? (Folding fitted sheets? Perfect gift wrapping?)

A CEO client hired a virtual assistant for $15/hour to handle birthday reminders. “Best investment in my marriage,” she laughed.

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14. The “Comfort Character” Hack

Channel your inner Leslie Knope

When overwhelmed, ask: What would [your favorite resilient fictional woman] do right now?

One client imagines Moana saying, “The ocean chose me for a reason!” during tough meetings. “It sounds silly,” she admits, “but it beats hearing ‘You’re failing’ on loop.”

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15. The “Guilty Pleasure” Rebrand

No justification needed

Replace “guilty” with “soul” pleasures:

• Soul pleasure: Reading YA novels in the bath
• Soul pleasure: Eating cereal for dinner

A teacher client posted this on her fridge to combat her mom’s voice saying, “Shouldn’t you be meal-prepping?”

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16. The “Energetic Bank Account”

Track deposits and withdrawals

Every interaction either fills or drains you. For one day:

• 💸 Withdrawals: That friend who monologues
• 💰 Deposits: Your neighbor’s toddler waving at you

A shy client realized her “account” was overdrawn by over-apologizing. She started saying “Thanks for understanding!” instead of “Sorry I’m late!”

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17. The “Dessert First” Rebellion

Because life’s too short for delayed joy

My grandmother’s best advice? “Eat the damn cake.” Apply this to:

• Wearing your “special occasion” perfume on Tuesdays
• Booking that weekend getaway instead of waiting for a partner
• Dancing alone to 2000s pop in mismatched socks

Joy isn’t earned—it’s your birthright.

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18. The “Mirror Mantra”

Rewrite the script of self-talk

Stand naked (yes, naked) and say:
“This body carried me through ___. These hands created ___. This heart survived ___.”

A client healing from body shame whispered, “These thighs let me hike the Grand Canyon”—and finally threw out her “skinny jeans.”

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19. The “Input Detox”

Not every problem needs your attention

Unfollow:

• The influencer who makes you feel behind
• The news account that leaves you paralyzed
• The group chat that’s really a complaint department

A client replaced her morning scroll with a “3 Good Things” journal. “Turns out,” she said, “the world doesn’t collapse if I miss TikTok drama.”

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20. The “Future You” Letter

From the woman who’s already proud

Write to yourself in 10 years:
“Dear Past Me, Thank you for ___. Because you did that, I now ___.”

A client struggling with self-doubt wrote: “Thank you for leaving that toxic job. I’m now teaching yoga by the beach.” She framed it as her vision board.

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21. The “Love Receipts” Jar

Collect evidence you matter

Every time someone compliments you, writes a kind text, or smiles at your joke, jot it down. Open the jar when you feel invisible.

My jar holds a note from a client: “You helped me believe I’m worth taking up space.” (Cue happy tears.)

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Final Words from The Darling Code

If this list feels overwhelming, start here:

1. Pick one practice that made you whisper “Oh, I need that”
2. Try it within 24 hours
3. Notice how it feels to prioritize YOU

Remember: Self-care isn’t about becoming someone new. It’s returning to the woman who existed before she learned to shrink.

With heart,
The Darling Code

P.S. Save this to your Pinterest “Self Care” board? And tonight—yes, tonight—try #21. Crank up Kelly Clarkson in your kitchen. Burn the toast. Let joy be messy.

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