Is It True Love or Just a Fantasy? How to Tell the Difference (And What to Do Next)

The experiences shared in this article are based on real emotional journeys, but all personal details are anonymized and used with the explicit written permission of the clients. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. We are committed to treating all client stories with the utmost confidentiality and respect.

Let’s be honest: love makes everything complicated.

One moment you’re floating on cloud nine, convinced you’ve found “the one”; the next, you’re dissecting their late-night text for hidden meanings.

Sound familiar?

As a relationship coach who’s spent years guiding clients through these murky waters—and navigating a few tricky tides myself—I’ve learned that deciphering true connection from fantasy isn’t about grand romantic gestures. It’s about quiet clarity.

Whether you’re texting someone new, questioning a situationship, or reevaluating a long-term partner, this guide will help you spot the difference between love and illusion.

Let’s dive into seven signs to watch—and what to do if reality doesn’t match the daydream.

Save this article for later—Pin it to Pinterest and come back when you need it! 📌

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1. Notice How They Show Up When Life Gets Messy

Love isn’t tested during candlelit dinners, but during flat tires, deadlines, or the flu.

Early in my coaching career, a client I’ll call Claire fell hard for a guy who planned elaborate surprise dates but vanished whenever she needed emotional support. “He’s so perfect when things are good,” she told me, tearfully clutching a coffee cup at our Zoom session. “Why does he disappear when I’m struggling?”

The reality check:

• Do they lean in when life gets chaotic? (E.g., showing up with soup when you’re sick, even if it’s just dropping it at your door.)
• Or do they retreat, downplay your stress, or make you feel “too needy”?

Try this:
Track their actions over two weeks. Note patterns: Are they consistent, or only present for the highlight reel?

Warm takeaway:
A partner who’s only there for the fireworks might not stick around for the rainy days.

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2. Do They Celebrate Your Wins—Even the Small Ones?

I’ll let you in on a not-so-secret truth: When someone truly cares, your success doesn’t threaten them.

A former client, Maya, once hesitated to share her promotion news with her boyfriend, fearing he’d feel overshadowed by her career leap.

When did she finally tell him?

He surprised her with a custom cake decorated like her new business card. “I didn’t realize how much I’d been dimming myself,” Maya admitted later.

The reality check:

• Do they ask follow-up questions about your achievements?
• Do they genuinely cheer for you—not just give a half-hearted “cool”?

Try this:
Share a minor win (e.g., finishing a project, mastering a recipe). Observe their reaction. Authentic joy can’t be faked.

Warm takeaway:
True love doesn’t compete with your light—it amplifies it.

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3. The Unsexy Litmus Test: How Do You Feel After Seeing Them?

Fantasy leaves you wired; love leaves you grounded.

Here’s a personal confession: In my early 20s, I dated someone who turned every hangout into a whirlwind adventure—sky diving, spontaneous road trips, jazz clubs at midnight.

But afterward? I’d crash into emotional exhaustion, replaying conversations for hidden meanings.

It took therapy to realize: Excitement ≠ connection.

The reality check:

• Post-date, do you feel energized and secure, or anxious and “hungover”?
• Are you constantly trying to decode their behavior?

Try this:
After your next meetup, jot down three words describing your mood. If “drained” or “confused” keeps appearing, pause.

Warm takeaway:
A relationship shouldn’t feel like an endless audition.

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4. Conflict: Is It a Dead End or a Detour?

Spoiler: Fighting isn’t the problem. It’s how you fight.

A client once asked me, “If we never argue, doesn’t that mean we’re compatible?” Cue my gentle reality check: Disagreements are inevitable. What matters is whether you both pivot toward repair.

The reality check:

• Willingness to course-correct (e.g., “I messed up. Let’s figure this out.”)
• Avoidance of blame grenades (“You always…” / “You never…”)

Try this:
Next conflict, suggest a “reset” phrase: “Can we pause and try that again?” If they stonewall or escalate, take note.

Warm takeaway:
Healthy love repairs; fantasy crumbles under pressure.

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5. The Time-Travel Question: Can You Picture a Real Future?

Fantasy fixates on potential; love builds plans.

In my experience, couples who last don’t just “vibe”—they intentionally align on values.

For example, a client named Jess realized her partner’s “live in the moment” philosophy clashed with her desire to save for a home.

They loved each other deeply—but without shared goals, resentment bloomed.

The reality check:

• Can you discuss practical futures (money, kids, aging parents) without defensiveness?
• Do your core values intersect? (Hint: Values ≠ hobbies.)

Try this:
Write down your top 3 non-negotiables (e.g., honesty, financial responsibility). See if their actions align.

Warm takeaway:
A lifetime isn’t built on butterflies alone.

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6. Do They Let You Be Boring?

Here’s a truth bomb: Real love thrives in the mundane.

One of my favorite client stories involves Sarah, who panicked when her partner of six months saw her “unfiltered” self—no makeup, binge-watching The Great British Bake Off in sweatpants.

But instead of ghosting, he showed up the next weekend with homemade scones and zero judgment. “That’s when I knew,” she said.

The reality check:

• Can you exist in “maintenance mode” together? (Think: grocery runs, laundry days, awkward silences.)
• Do they seem genuinely curious about your unglamorous quirks?

Try this:
Plan a low-key hangout (e.g., cooking dinner, organizing a closet). Notice if they engage or seem disinterested.

Warm takeaway:
If you’re only “allowed” to be your “best self,” it’s not love—it’s performance art.

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7. The Friendship Factor: Do You Actually Like Them?

Romance fades; friendship remains.

Years ago, I dated someone who checked all my “ideal partner” boxes—charismatic, ambitious, adventurous.

But when we ran out of things to talk about beyond surface-level banter? Crickets.

Meanwhile, a client recently gushed about her partner: “He’s the first person I want to text when I see a weird-shaped cloud.”

The reality check:

• Do you enjoy their company even when the chemistry isn’t turned up to 10?
• Can you talk for hours about nothing and everything?

Try this:
Reflect: Would you still want them in your life if the romantic spark faded?

Warm takeaway:
Passion is thrilling, but friendship is the safety net.

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Final Words from The Darling Code

Distinguishing love from fantasy isn’t about cynicism—it’s about honoring your worth.

If you’re hesitating after reading this, start here: Write a “relationship inventory”.

List moments when you felt truly seen, supported, and challenged in healthy ways.

If the list feels sparse, that’s your sign to dig deeper.

And remember: You’re not “ruining the magic” by seeking clarity. You’re making space for a love that lasts.

With heart,
The Darling Code

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PS: Save this to your Pinterest “Relationship Advice” board, and try one small action today. Maybe text a friend about that promotion you’ve been hesitant to share. Celebrate yourself—you’ve earned it.

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