How to Heal From a Toxic Relationship (And reclaim the parts of yourself that still feel lost)
The experiences shared in this article are based on real emotional journeys, but all personal details are anonymized and used with the explicit written permission of the clients. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. We are committed to treating all client stories with the utmost confidentiality and respect.
The Yoga Mat Revelation
Imagine this: You’re lying on a yoga mat after class, staring at the ceiling while others chatter about weekend plans.
A woman next to you sighs, “I finally left him, but now I feel… hollow.”
Her words hang in the air, and you press your palms to your chest because you know that hollow—the kind that echoes even when you’re surrounded by people.
Healing from a toxic relationship isn’t about “getting over it.”
It’s about rebuilding.
As someone who’s guided countless women through this tender process—and navigated it myself—I’ll tell you this: Your pain isn’t a sign of weakness. It’s proof you’re ready to grow.
Let’s start by honoring that.
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The First Step: Stop Romanticizing the Crumbs
A few years back, I worked with a client, Lena*, who kept rereading old texts from her ex.
“Look how sweet he was here!” she’d say, pointing to a message sent after a 3-day silence.
I gently asked, “Would you accept this treatment from a friend?” She froze.
Toxic relationships often condition us to celebrate breadcrumbs—a random “I miss you” text, a half-hearted apology—as if they’re feasts. This isn’t love; it’s addiction.
Try this instead:
- Delete or archive old messages. You don’t need “proof” you mattered.
- Write a list of specific moments you felt disrespected (e.g., “He mocked my career goals at dinner”). Reread it when nostalgia hits.
Grieving the Person You Thought They Were
Here’s the hard truth: You’re not mourning the real person.
You’re grieving the potential you saw—the future you painted together.
I did this myself after a breakup in my early 20s.
For months, I’d walk past our favorite taco truck, aching for the idea of him—not the man who’d cancel plans last-minute.
Why this helps:
- Separating fantasy from reality shrinks their power over your memories.
- It creates space to honor your own dreams, not the ones you outsourced to them.
The Body Keeps Score (And How to Reset It)
Toxic relationships live in your cells.
Maybe your shoulders tense when someone raises their voice, or your stomach drops at a certain ringtone.
Science moment (promise, it’s simple): Chronic stress floods your body with cortisol, keeping you in “fight or flight.”
Healing requires telling your nervous system, “We’re safe now.”
Try these tiny resets:
- Morning ritual: Before checking your phone, place a hand on your heart and whisper, “Today, I choose me.”
- Touch grass: Literally. Spend 5 minutes daily outside barefoot. Grounding reduces anxiety.
- Dance it out: Blast a song that makes you feel powerful (mine: Beyoncé’s “Break My Soul”) and shake out the stagnant energy.
The Friendship Audit You Didn’t Know You Needed
Years ago, after my breakup, I leaned hard on two friends.
But one kept saying, “You’re better off!” while scrolling Instagram.
The other sat quietly, then asked, “What do YOU need right now?”
Guess who I still talk to?
Toxicity can blur your judgment about all relationships.
Ask yourself:
- Who drains vs. sustains you?
- Who encourages self-doubt vs. self-trust?
Note: It’s okay to “pause” ties with people who dismiss your healing.
You’re not being dramatic—you’re curating your ecosystem.
Rewriting Your Story (Without the Villain Arc)
Toxic exes don’t get to define you. Let’s flip the script:
Old narrative: “I wasted 2 years on someone who didn’t care.”
New narrative: “I learned how strong my boundaries can be.”
Exercise: Write a letter to your past self.
Mine included this line: “Thank you for leaving when your gut screamed ‘NO.’ You made future-you so proud.” Burn or bury it as a ritual.
The “No Contact” Myth (It’s Not What You Think)
Clients often ask, “Should I block them everywhere?”
My answer: “Block the version of you that tolerates disrespect.”
“No contact” isn’t about punishment—it’s about protection.
Every DM you send them is a text you’re not sending your best friend.
Every late-night call is sleep you’re stealing from tomorrow’s healing.
Pro tip: Mute their socials, but also mute accounts that remind you of them (yes, even that meme page they tagged you in).
Craft a “Boundary Blueprint” for Future Relationships
The Mirror Exercise:
Stand in front of a mirror and list 3 non-negotiable boundaries you’ll honor moving forward (e.g., “I will walk away if someone dismisses my emotions”).
Speak them aloud until your reflection believes them.
Why This Works:
Toxic relationships often blur your limits.
Physically voicing boundaries rebuilds self-trust.
Try This:
- Write your boundaries on a sticky note and place it where you’ll see it daily (e.g., bathroom mirror, phone background).
- Role-play with a friend: Practice saying “That doesn’t work for me” until it feels natural.
Example:
A client named Jade survived gaslighting by creating a “boundary bracelet.”
Each bead represented a boundary mid-healing.
When she felt unsure, she’d touch the beads like armor. “It reminded me my ‘no’ could be gentle but unbreakable.”
When Dating Again Feels Terrifying
A client, Mara*, once joked, “I’d rather handle a tarantula than download Hinge again.” We laughed, but her fear was valid.
Toxic relationships can make vulnerability feel like walking into traffic.
If you’re not ready:
- Date yourself. Take solo museum trips or cook fancy meals. Relearn your quirks.
- Practice platonic flirting! Compliment a barista’s earrings. Banter with a bookstore stranger. Rebuild confidence in low-stakes interactions.
When you are ready:
- Screen dates with, “How did your last relationship end?” Their answer reveals more than any zodiac sign.
Final Words from The Darling Code
Healing isn’t linear.
Some days, you’ll feel like a sunrise—radiant and new.
Others, you’ll cry into your cereal. Both are okay.
What toxic relationships steal from us isn’t time—it’s the belief that we’re worthy of gentle love.
Let this article be your reminder: You are.
And every step you take, no matter how small, is a homecoming to yourself.
With heart,
The Darling Code
PS: Save this to Pinterest if it spoke to you!
Today’s tiny action step: Text a voice memo to a trusted friend saying, “Hey, I’m proud of myself for ______ today.” (Even if it’s just “getting out of bed.”)
Celebrate the wins only you see.
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ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Carsey, Founder, Editor-in-Chief & Relationship Coach
Carsey is the heart and mind behind this space. As a Relationship Coach and Editor-in-Chief, she blends practical advice with storytelling to help you navigate love, connection, and everything in between.
