Does He Like Me, or Is He Just Bored? Deciphering His Texts

The experiences shared in this article are based on real emotional journeys, but all personal details are anonymized and used with the explicit written permission of the clients. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. We are committed to treating all client stories with the utmost confidentiality and respect.

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1. The “Breadcrumb Theory”: Is He Nourishing Your Connection… or Just Snacking?

The Clue: Surface-level check-ins without depth.
Maya’s guy would ask, “How was your day?” but never followed up when she mentioned her mom’s health scare.

It felt like eating candy for dinner: sweet in the moment, but leaving her emotionally malnourished.

What to Do:

• Keep a “Conversation Journal” for 1 week: Jot down his questions and responses. Does he reference your past stories (e.g., “How did your presentation go?”) or recycle generic lines (e.g., “Cool, lol”)?
• The 24-Hour Test: Share a small win or vulnerability (“Just aced my certification exam!” or “Feeling overwhelmed with moving apartments”). If he circles back to it later (“So, how’s the unpacking going?”), he’s invested. If not, he’s snacking.
• Client Case: One woman I worked with realized her “breadcrumber” only asked about her job when he wanted career advice. She started redirecting: “Work’s good! How’s your guitar lessons going?” His lack of curiosity confirmed her suspicions.

Key Takeaway: Interest builds bridges; boredom builds forts (and hides in them).

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2. The 72-Hour Rule: Ghosts Don’t Text (But Busy Humans Do)

The Clue: Erratic replies paired with zero accountability.
My college crush would text me at 2 a.m. after finals with “Miss youuu 😴” but never apologized for disappearing.

Years later, I learned: Busy people communicate; bored people disappear and reappear on their terms.

What to Do:

• Map His “Prime Time”: Does he only text during his commute, lunch breaks, or late nights? Use apps like “Screen Time” (discreetly!) to track patterns. A guy who only initiates when he’s bored/waiting for something is likely low-effort.
• The “Oops” Factor: When he resurfaces after radio silence, does he acknowledge the gap? (“Sorry, got swamped with deadlines!”) Or does he pretend nothing happened? The latter signals low accountability.
• Script for Clarity: If inconsistent replies stress you, try: “I’ve noticed our texts sometimes get out of sync—no biggie! Just want to make sure we’re on the same page.” His response will reveal his priorities.

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3. The “Future Faking” Trap vs. Real Intentions

The Clue: Grand plans that evaporate like steam.
A client’s situationship kept saying, “We should go to that jazz festival!” but whenever she suggested dates, he’d say, “Let’s play it by ear.”

After three months of “somedays,” she asked, “What’s holding us back?” He ghosted.

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4. The Vulnerability Litmus Test: Does He Lean In or Gloss Over?

The Clue: How he responds when you share something tender.
Let’s say you text, “Today was rough—my dog’s vet appointment didn’t go well 😔”. An invested person will respond to both the emotion and the details. A bored person will stick to surface-level sympathy.

What to Do:

• The “Follow-Up Fork”: Share a minor vulnerability (e.g., “I bombed my presentation today… total impostor syndrome moment”). Notice if he:
  • Option A: Ashes questions to deepen the convo (“Ugh, that’s the worst. What part stressed you most?”)
  • Option B: Offers a vague platitude (“You’ll get ’em next time!”) and pivots to something unserious (“BTW, seen the new Marvel trailer?”)

Why This Works: Emotional attunement in early communication strongly correlates with long-term relational investment. Translation: If he’s all “Option B,” he’s prioritizing fun over connection.

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5. The “Weekend vs. Weekday” Test

The Clue: Last-minute Friday night “You up?” texts.
A client’s FWB would text her every Thursday at 9 p.m. with “What are you doing later?” Translation: I’m lonely, not committed.

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6. The Vulnerability Scale: Sharing vs. Oversharing

The Clue: He trauma-dumps but never holds space for you.
A client’s date spent two hours venting about his ex but interrupted her when she mentioned her anxiety. Bored people treat you like a diary; interested people treat you like a partner.

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7. The “Social Media Mirror”: Is He Curious About Your World?

The Clue: He watches your Stories but never engages.
One client’s crush viewed her Instagram posts about her pottery class for weeks but never asked about it. When she casually mentioned her latest vase, he said, “Wait, you do pottery?”

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8. The “Three-Text Rule”: Who’s Keeping the Conversation Alive?

The Clue: You’re always sending the third message to revive dying chats.
In my early 20s, I’d double-text guys who’d reply with “Haha yeah” until I learned: Effort should feel balanced, not forced.

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9. The Gut Check: Your Intuition Knows (Even When Your Heart Hesitates)

The Clue: You’re reading this article.
Your anxiety isn’t irrational—it’s data. A client once ignored her gut about a guy who “wasn’t ready for labels”… until he started dating someone else two weeks later.

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Final Words from The Darling Code

Decoding texts is less about mind-reading and more about pattern-reading.

Start here: Revisit your last five conversations with him.

Does he ask questions that show he remembers you, or does he recycle topics like a Netflix algorithm?

Then, practice one tiny act of self-honesty this week—whether that’s setting a boundary (“I’d love to keep chatting, but I need more consistency”) or walking away.

You deserve someone who texts you like you’re the main character—not a side quest.

With heart,
The Darling Code

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P.S. Save this to your Pinterest “Dating Advice” board—and try one tip today. Maybe text him 20% less and see if he notices. You’re worth the effort, darling. 🌟

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