10 Things Couples in True Love Do Differently

The experiences shared in this article are based on real emotional journeys, but all personal details are anonymized and used with the explicit written permission of the clients. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. We are committed to treating all client stories with the utmost confidentiality and respect.

You know that couple at your favorite coffee shop? The ones who laugh like they’re sharing a secret, who hold hands even while scrolling their phones, and who somehow make “Who forgot to take out the recycling?” sound like a love poem?

I’ve spent years as a relationship coach working with couples in New York, L.A., and everywhere in between, and I’ve noticed something: True love isn’t about grand gestures.

It’s about the quiet, daily choices that say, “I see you, I choose you, and I’m here to grow with you.”

Let’s unpack what those choices look like.

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1. They Fight For Each Other, Not Against Each Other

I once worked with a couple—let’s call them Emma and Jake—who came to me after a blowout fight about… dishwasher loading.

Sounds trivial, right? But beneath it was Jake’s fear that Emma didn’t respect his contributions to their home, and Emma’s worry that Jake dismissed her need for order.

True love means asking, “What’s the story behind this anger?” instead of keeping score.

Try this: Next time tensions rise, pause and say: “I want to understand where you’re coming from. Can we slow down?” (Pro tip: Keep a Post-it with this phrase on your fridge. It works better than couples’ therapy bingo cards.)

Which of your recent arguments could use this reframe?

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2. They Celebrate Mundane Moments Like Mini-Holidays

True love thrives in ordinary moments.

One client told me how her partner texts her a photo of their dog wearing a ridiculous hat every Tuesday—just because. It’s their “Taco Tuesday for the soul.”

These tiny rituals build connection faster than any Instagram-worthy anniversary trip.

Try this: Create a 5-second daily ritual. Maybe it’s tapping each other’s foot under the table during dinner or saying “Today’s win?” before bed. (My partner and I have a “cheers to surviving Trader Joe’s parking lots” clink every grocery run.)

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3. They Protect Each Other’s Vulnerabilities

I’ll never forget a man who confessed, “I pretend to love hiking because my wife thinks it’s ‘our thing.’” When his wife discovered the truth, she teared up—not because he hated trails, but because he’d hidden his dislike for years to avoid disappointing her.

True love says, “Your real self is safe with me.”

Try this: Share one “silly” insecurity this week (“I’m embarrassed I still can’t parallel park”) and respond with “Thank you for trusting me with that.” No fixes, just acknowledgment.

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4. They Argue About Money… Differently

Financial fights aren’t about dollars; they’re about values.

A couple I coached fought constantly over his “frivolous” guitar purchases… until they realized his guitar symbolized creativity (a core value), while her savings spreadsheet represented security (hers).

They now budget for both.

Try this: Map your spending to your values. If “adventure” matters, maybe skip the $200 rug and put it toward a weekend road trip. Compromise doesn’t mean losing—it means blending.

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5. They Let Each Other Change—and Grow Together

When Sarah, a client, decided to quit her corporate job to teach yoga, her partner panicked: “You’re not the person I fell for!” But true love means saying, “I fell for who you are becoming, too.”

They now practice partner yoga… badly and hilariously.

Try this: Ask your partner: “What’s something new you’ve discovered about yourself lately?” Then listen like they’re sharing a secret.

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6. They Practice “Compassionate Curiosity”

A couple I worked with had a recurring fight about holiday plans.

Digging deeper, one grew up in a family that treated holidays as obligations, while the other associated them with warmth.

True love asks: “What does this situation mean to you?” not “Why can’t you just…?”

Try this: Replace “You always…” with “Help me understand what this means for you.”

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7. They Prioritize “Weird” Over “Perfect”

My most enduring relationship lesson came from a disastrous camping trip where my partner and I got lost, ate cold beans, and laughed until we cried.

True love embraces the messy, weird, and unplanned.

Try this: Plan a “no-pressure adventure” (e.g., a mystery drive, a cooking fail night). Bond over the chaos.

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8. They Honor Each Other’s “Alone” Needs

Introverts, this one’s for you.

A client’s husband used to take her quiet nights personally—until they agreed on a system: She’d text 🧁 (code for “I need space but still adore you”). He’d respond with 🏹 (their joke for “Go recharge, Katniss”).

Try this: Create a playful signal for “I need space” that feels loving, not rejecting.

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9. They Apologize Like They Mean It

True apologies aren’t “I’m sorry you felt that way.” They’re “I see how my action hurt you, and I’ll do better.”

One client’s husband started leaving apology notes in her lunchbox (doodles included) after missing date nights. It wasn’t grand—it was genuine.

Try this: Next apology, add a specific action (“I’ll set reminders so I’m home by 7 PM”). Follow through.

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10. They Build a “Third Story”

Every couple has two perspectives; the “third story” is the shared narrative.

When a couple fought over hosting Thanksgiving, they realized neither wanted to disappoint their families.

Their “third story”? A Friendsgiving where everyone brought dishes from their childhoods.

Try this: When stuck, ask: “What’s our shared goal here?”

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Final Words from The Darling Code

True love isn’t a finish line—it’s the daily choice to show up, imperfectly and intentionally.

Start small: Pick one thing from this list to try this week.

Text them a mundane-but-meaningful “thinking of you” note.

Ask “What does this mean for you?” during a disagreement.

Celebrate their weird little joys.

Love isn’t about being flawless. It’s about being found—in all your messy, evolving, beautifully human glory.

With heart,
The Darling Code

PS: Save this article to your Pinterest “Relationship Goals” board (you know the one). And here’s your tiny action for today: Send your partner a voice note saying “Remember that time we…?” with your favorite shared memory. Watch the magic unfold. 💌

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