How to Attract a Guy: 9 Gentle, Real-World Strategies That Actually Work
The experiences shared in this article are based on real emotional journeys, but all personal details are anonymized and used with the explicit written permission of the clients. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. We are committed to treating all client stories with the utmost confidentiality and respect.
The Coffee Shop Moment
A few years ago, I sat across from a client—let’s call her Lisa—in a cozy Brooklyn café. She nervously stirred her latte and asked, “What if I’m doing everything wrong? What if he just… doesn’t notice me?”
Her vulnerability mirrored what I’d heard from dozens of women: the quiet fear of being overlooked, coupled with a longing to connect authentically.
As a relationship coach, I’ve learned that attraction isn’t about tricks or playing games.
It’s about curiosity, presence, and showing up as your best self—even when you’re scared.
Let’s dive into nine strategies I’ve shared with clients (and tested myself) that honor both your heart and his.
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1. The Art of the Unspoken: Let Your Body Do the Talking
You don’t need a pickup line to spark interest.
At a rooftop party last summer, I watched a client named Jess lean slightly toward a guy while laughing at his joke—her shoulders relaxed, her gaze warm.
He later told her, “I felt like you were really listening.”
Nonverbal cues matter:
- Eye contact: Hold his gaze for 1–2 seconds longer than usual (no staring contests!).
- Open posture: Avoid crossed arms; angle your body toward him.
- Subtle mirroring: If he leans back, wait a beat before doing the same.
Why it works: Confidence isn’t loud; it’s calm.
A client once joked, “I practiced smiling at strangers on the subway to feel less awkward.”
Start small.
Pause here: Which of these cues feels natural to you? Try one today.
2. Texting with Intention (Without Overthinking)
A college student I mentored, Emma, once panicked when her crush texted, “Hey, how’s your week?”
She drafted six replies before settling on, “Surviving midterms! You?”
Simple, honest, and gave him an easy entry point.
Key texting principles:
- Match his energy: If he sends short messages, keep yours concise (but warm).
- Ask open-ended questions: “What’s the highlight of your day so far?” > “How’s work?”
- Avoid “performance” texting: You don’t need to be clever 24/7. One client realized her guy liked her more when she sent a silly selfie with bedhead.
Real-talk tip: If he takes hours to reply, breathe. Text a friend instead of overanalyzing.
3. The Quiet Power of Shared Spaces
You don’t have to be the loudest voice in the room.
At a Thanksgiving potluck, I struck up a conversation with a guy while washing dishes.
No flirting—just chatting about our worst cooking disasters.
Weeks later, he told me, “I loved how real you were that night.”
Engage in low-pressure moments:
- Comment on a shared experience (“This playlist is nostalgic!”).
- Offer help (“Need a hand carrying those plates?”).
Pro insight: Men often notice women who seem comfortable in their own skin.
A barista client bonded with her now-boyfriend over their mutual hatred of pumpkin spice lattes.
4. Curiosity > Perfection
I’ll never forget advising a 28-year-old client to ask her date, “What’s something you’re secretly proud of?” instead of defaulting to job-talk. He lit up describing his woodworking hobby.
Ditch the script:
- Ask questions that invite stories (“What’s your weirdest family tradition?”).
- Share a relatable quirk (“I still have my childhood teddy bear—no shame!”).
Remember: Vulnerability attracts.
One guy admitted to a client, “I was nervous until you mentioned your fear of escalators. Then I knew you got it.”
5. Flirting in the DMs: Keep It Light, Keep It You
Sliding into DMs doesn’t have to be cringe.
A grad student I coached replied to a guy’s hiking photo with, “Okay, but where’s the snack review? Trail mix: yay or nay?” It sparked a two-hour chat.
DM rules of thumb:
- Reference his interests (“How’d the half-marathon go?”).
- Skip vague compliments (“Cool profile!” → “Your dog’s side-eye in pic 3 is iconic”).
Caution: If he leaves you on read twice, redirect your energy.
You’re a priority.
6. The Magic of “And” – Own Your Multidimensionality
A 32-year-old client nearly canceled a date because she worried her PhD in astrophysics would intimidate him.
I urged her to go—and he asked endless questions about black holes.
You can be smart and playful, ambitious and silly.
Share passions unapologetically:
- “I’m obsessed with true crime podcasts… and making terrible pottery.”
- “I run marathons, but I also nap like a pro.”
Note: A man worth your time will find your layers fascinating.
7. When Words Fail, Use Silence Strategically
Silence isn’t awkward—it’s a tool.
At a jazz bar last winter, a client named Lena felt overwhelmed by the noise.
Instead of forcing conversation, she leaned in when her date spoke, nodded thoughtfully, and let pauses linger.
Later, he texted, “You’re so easy to talk to.”
How to use silence:
- In person: Smile softly during lulls instead of filling every gap. Let him initiate the next topic.
- Over text: Don’t double-text if he goes quiet. One client waited 24 hours after a dead-end chat, then sent a funny TikTok—reigniting the conversation naturally.
- In groups: Catch his eye across the room and hold it briefly (think: “I see you” vs. “I’m staring at you”).
Why it works: Silence creates space for him to step forward. As I told Lena, “You don’t have to perform. Just exist, and let him meet you there.”
8. Digital Detox: Protect Your Energy (and Spark His Curiosity)
A client once confessed she’d reply to her crush’s texts within 30 seconds—even during work meetings.
When she started waiting 15–30 minutes (and focusing on her own tasks), he began asking, “What’ve you been up to?” with genuine interest.
Healthy digital habits:
- Set “offline hours”: Dedicate time to hobbies or friends. One woman told her date, “I’m painting tonight—send me a song to work to!” He loved the peek into her life.
- Avoid over-explaining: If you’re busy, a simple “Crazy day—tell me about yours!” keeps the door open without oversharing.
- Quality > quantity: Send one thoughtful message instead of three scattered ones. A client reconnected with an ex-flame by sharing a photo of her hiking view with just “This reminded me of your camping stories.”
Key insight: Men are drawn to women who have a life beyond their screens.
9. The “Glow” That Has Nothing to Do with Filters
(…and Yes, Let’s Talk About Style!)
Your vibe when you’re lit up about life is magnetic—and how you dress can amplify that energy.
A client once agonized over a first-date outfit, swapping dresses until I asked, *“Which one makes you feel like *you?”
She chose a vintage band tee under a blazer with red boots. He later said, “You looked like you could rule the world.”
Style tips that attract (without trying too hard):
- Wear your confidence: Choose clothes that make you stand tall, whether it’s a tailored coat or well-loved sneakers.
- Signature details: A client’s signature perfume (vanilla + citrus) became her “thing”—her now-boyfriend buys it for her every Christmas.
- Context matters: A sleek jumpsuit works for art galleries; a cozy sweater says “I’m approachable” at coffee shops.
But remember: Your “glow” starts internally.
A woman I coached took up salsa dancing solo—not to meet men, but to reclaim her joy.
Six months in, a guy approached her at a studio and said, “You look like you’re having the best time here.”
They’ve been dating for a year.
Final Words from The Darling Code
Attraction starts with you feeling grounded in your worth.
Tonight, try one tiny step: Text someone a question that makes them smile, hold eye contact a moment longer, or wear that outfit you’ve been saving for “someday.”
Progress, not perfection.
With heart,
The Darling Code
P.S. Save this to your Pinterest “Relationship Wins” board! Today’s action step: Put on an outfit that makes you feel unstoppable, even if you’re just running errands.
Confidence is your best accessory. 💫
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ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Vivienne, Relationship Coach & Self Love Coach
Vivienne is a Relationship Coach and Self-Love Coach who believes the key to great relationships starts with YOU. She helps individuals and couples build confidence, set healthy boundaries, and create connections that truly honor who they are.
